Chapter 7 - The Last Trimester

At thirty-two weeks, my blood pressure climbed. Not dangerously. Enough to worry me. The doctor wanted more monitoring. Adrian came because I invited him. He sat beside me while the cuff inflated. “Stop staring at the machine,” I said. “I’m not.” “You are.” “I’m observing.” “That is staring with corporate vocabulary.” He smiled. The reading improved after twenty minutes. The doctor recommended more rest. Adrian started to offer something. I held up one finger. “Ask.” He stopped and tried again. “Do you want help arranging anything?” Better.
I wanted grocery delivery twice a week. “Done.” “And I choose the service.” “Of course.” “No private chef.” He looked disappointed. I laughed. My body was changing quickly now. Sleep was difficult. My ankles swelled. The baby seemed determined to live under my ribs. For the first time, Adrian saw pregnancy not as a photograph or appointment but as daily discomfort. One evening he came by with groceries and found me sitting on the kitchen floor because bending to reach a dropped jar had seemed impossible.
He froze. “What happened?” “I dropped olives.” He stared. “That’s it?” “Yes.” “You’re on the floor.” “I became tired halfway down.” He laughed. I threw a dish towel at him. Then he sat beside me. No dramatic rescue. Just company. “Do you want help up?” “Yes.” He gave me his hands. That was how intimacy returned. Not through sex. Through asking.
At thirty-three weeks, the board released the conflict-of-interest report. Adrian had violated disclosure expectations but not committed fraud. The board censured him formally. His compensation was reduced. Celeste’s consulting payments were partially clawed back. The report was public. Adrian’s reputation took a hit. He did not ask me to defend him. That mattered. A reporter called asking whether I believed Adrian should resign. I answered only once. “That is for the board to decide.” Not wife. Not ex-wife. Shareholder. The headline disappointed everyone. Good.
At thirty-four weeks, Adrian’s divorce from Celeste entered settlement talks. He told me because he did not want me reading it online. “She’s asking for nothing beyond what we agreed in the prenup.” “Good.” “I’m selling the house we bought for the wedding.” I stared. “You bought a house?” His face tightened. “Before the divorce was final.” I closed my eyes. “Adrian.” “I know.” The betrayal had layers I still discovered accidentally. That was exhausting. “I don’t want details.” “Okay.” He looked ashamed. I let him.
One evening, I asked the question I had avoided. “Did you ever love her?” Adrian took time. “Yes.” The answer hurt. I respected it. “When?” “Before we started the affair.” I nodded. “Did you love me then too?” “Yes.” “That’s worse.” “I know.” I looked away. “I thought love was supposed to choose.” Adrian said, “So did I.” I asked what changed. “I started treating desire as truth.” The sentence stayed with me. I had spent months wondering what Celeste possessed that I lacked. Maybe nothing. Maybe betrayal did not require a superior replacement. Maybe it only required selfishness and opportunity. That realization freed something in me.
At thirty-five weeks, I stopped comparing myself to her. Not completely. Enough. The baby shower was small. My mother organized it. Naomi came. Two old friends came. Adrian was not invited. He did not complain. Later, I sent him a photo of the cake. He replied: Looks dangerous. It was pink with too much frosting. I wrote: Accurate. Then he asked: Did you have a good day? Not: What did you get? Not: Who came? A good day. Yes, I wrote. He answered: I’m glad.
At thirty-six weeks, we discussed the birth plan. My mother would be my medical proxy. Adrian would be present during labor only if I wanted him there in the moment. No guarantee. He accepted that. Then he asked, “If you change your mind while you’re in labor?” “I’ll tell you.” “And if you tell me to leave?” “You leave.” He nodded. Simple. We also discussed emergencies. No private ambulance. No VIP floor unless medically necessary. No press statement. No announcement before I approved it. Adrian wrote everything down.
The night before my thirty-seven-week appointment, I woke from a dream in which I was watching his wedding again. Only this time, I was standing beside myself. Pregnant Claire on the sofa. Current Claire by the window. In the dream, I turned off the television. I woke crying. At eight in the morning, Adrian called because we had an appointment. I almost told him not to come. Instead I said, “I had a bad night.” He was quiet. “Do you want me there?” “Yes.” That was new too. Needing him no longer felt like losing.
At the appointment, my blood pressure was acceptable, the baby was head down, and the doctor estimated she might arrive before forty weeks. Adrian looked terrified. I enjoyed that. “You’ve handled billion-dollar deals.” “Babies are not deals.” “Growth.” He glared. On the way out, he asked whether I wanted breakfast. I said yes. We sat in a diner where no one recognized him. He ordered pancakes, then pushed half toward me because I kept stealing bites. It was painfully ordinary.
We talked about the future in careful terms. Not marriage. Not reconciliation. Parenting. I wanted the baby primarily with me while I recovered, with Adrian visiting daily at first. He agreed. I wanted no overnight schedule until breastfeeding and sleep stabilized. He agreed. I wanted both of us to revisit the arrangement rather than treating a temporary plan as permanent. He agreed. “You’re agreeing too much,” I said. He smiled. “I’ve learned disagreement is not proof of strength.”
Then he did disagree. He wanted one evening each week alone with the baby after the first month, assuming I was comfortable and feeding allowed it. My immediate instinct was no. I asked myself whether the objection came from safety or fear of losing relevance. The answer was fear. “After the first month,” I said. “We reassess.” Adrian nodded. “Fair.” That exchange mattered more than the agreement itself. We were both learning to distinguish caution from control.
At home that night, I packed the hospital bag. Tiny clothes. Documents. Toiletries. A blanket my mother had knitted. I added one ultrasound image almost without thinking. Then I looked at the space beside it and placed Adrian’s copy of the birth plan there too. The old marriage had ended in spectacle. The new relationship, whatever it became, was being built in lists, appointments, and ordinary decisions. For the first time, I trusted the ordinary more.
The same week, I attended a prenatal counseling session the hospital offered for first-time mothers. I had assumed I did not need it. Then the counselor asked what frightened me most about birth, and the answer came out before I could polish it: becoming dependent on someone who had already failed me. Saying it aloud helped. Dependence did not have to mean surrender. Temporary need was not the same as permanent power. I left with breathing exercises, emergency numbers, and a quieter understanding of why asking Adrian to be present no longer felt like betraying myself.
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For once, I believed that needing help could coexist with autonomy.
That mattered to me.